My Work T-1039

Fix hero headline per reviewer feedback — Tâm An clinic landing

TD-COPY-REVISION Tâm An · Landing page

Needs revisionChanges requested

The reviewer asked for a clearer hero headline. Revise the headline so the main benefit is obvious in one line, then resubmit — your previous review history stays attached.

Why
Visitors decide in seconds; the hero headline must state the core benefit, not a slogan.
What
One revised hero headline (≤ 9 words) that leads with the patient benefit. Update the copy doc and resubmit.
Inputs
  • Current landing copy doc
  • Reviewer feedback (below)
Source
How
  1. Re-read the reviewer feedback and the principle it points to. guide →
  2. Rewrite the headline benefit-first; keep it under 9 words.
  3. Resubmit the revision (previous history is preserved).
Risk
You may edit and resubmit the copy doc.
When
Deadline: 2026-08-19
Who
Owner: Linh (Intern)
Reviewer: Mai (Reviewer)
Submit
Paste the revised headline and link the updated doc.
Submission type: text
Review
Revision 1 · 2026-08-18
IssueHero headline is a slogan, not a benefit.
WhyReaders cannot tell what they gain in the first read.
PrincipleLead with the concrete patient benefit before brand tone.
ReviseRewrite benefit-first, ≤ 9 words, no abstract slogan.